I was in my twenties when I had both of my children. My first pregnancy went ok, I did tear badly and ended up with many stitches, but recovered well in the end.
However, my second pregnancy was very different. Unfortunately I suffered from severe sickness throughout my whole pregnancy. I ended up in hospital a few times for them to monitor me and baby because I kept fainting and overall lost over a stone in weight.
Then the bombshell came… my midwife phoned me and asked if she could come around to see me. She told me my blood test screening came back abnormal and after much discussion with my husband we opted to have an amniocentesis. Waiting for the results was agonising and frightening, but the results came back fine.
However, in myself I was convinced that something wasn’t right because I felt so ill throughout my pregnancy and a couple of months after having beautiful Jessie I still felt something was wrong….
I felt this pressure to be the perfect mum. I kept crying, felt very low in myself, couldn’t remember things, still kept losing the weight, felt panicky at times and it took all my strength to try to go out. Where had all my confidence gone?! This wasn’t me. I remember feeling so terribly guilty…”why was I feeling like this, I should be happy”; Jessie was such a great baby and James was so good too… I then started to self harm, which I kept to myself for a while, I was a mess…. My poor husband was totally lost with what to do for me, frightened and upset when he realised I had self harmed.
I was very fortunate to have a fantastic doctor, who listened to me after many breakdowns…who prescribed me antidepressants and arranged for me to have regular counselling sessions.
After taking baby steps, my wonderful counsellor helped me get back on track. Yes it took me a long time but depression is an illness and without the wonderful help I received, I may not be here today. So I wanted to share my story, such that it may help others and support awareness.